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This page I wrote for my old rv website RVforSaleGuide.com before discovering the Vanabode as the best travel vehicle for long term fun. People still like big rv's despite the much greater cost and trouble to operate, so here's what I know about them.
Funny Quotes I snagged over the years
"My favorite humorous quotes from those around me. enjoy."... Jason
"I got mint fumes" Said Kelly while blinking profusely and brushing her teeth.
After discussions about age and growing up and why my daughter and son could no longer nap in the same bed my daughter Sarah asked "Why Dad?" My son Joshua, 4 years younger, blurted out - "I know why. Cause I have something and you have nothing." Of course he will learn later that he has it completely wrong.
"So if you're a hypocrite write this down"
Norm demanded to know why Dwight didn't close the sale and he said,
"Hey! You have a penny on your crotch"
"You don't know what you want you wanna know why? Cause I haven't given it to you yet." Jason's boldest pickup line, if you're single, freely use it.
My young son Joshua saw a Police car on the side of the road with lights flashing but no other cars, he said, "Hey Dad, that cop pulled himself over"
"Rolaid?" Jason's favorite one word quote - Mike from Herzing College
"I never leave one thing unhid" Norm explains his business strategy.
Trying to make fun of Dwight I asked him why he didn't have any hair on his chest and he answered, "Grass don't grow on a playground"
Roland explains why older women are better lovers.
"All turning lanes are not created equal"
"He was a nice scientist. He used to tell all the children 'come over to my house and I'll show you my telescope. I've got pictures of Uranus, Mars, the Moon.'" Tom - giving a little biography on a generous NASA scientist friend of his during a meeting.
"Hell, I don't need help doing bad, I can do that by myself
"I have a little surprise for you"
Paul Fleming fired the starting pistol seconds early to begin the 5K race and later apologized via microphone, "sorry about my hairy trigger"
"Dad if it weren't for me you wouldn't have a Fathers Day"
"They have been a hysterically black organization ...correct?"
"Do you work out your chest? Cause your stomach sticks out but your chest sinks in." My lovely wife Kelly questions me about my workout routine with encouraging words.
"I want the man on the poster to have a higher IQ than the rat on the poster" Gary - when asked about soliciting Justin Timberlake to co-op with NASA on a poster outreach project.
"This is not an ODIN machine, no, no, no, it is one of them bastard machines I'm telling you." Brian - on phone attempting to get computer support from someone other than ODIN.
"Who holds the chicken?" Hope - from Tucson concerning the Dynamac softball mascot.
"I'm not tight any more" Leslie - concerning her Dynamac budget.
When asked if he liked chicken my son Ben replied
"I don't know if any of you read " Began Neal from Dynamac
"This should be a great trade show Oh God here comes a bus load of children." Said Julie the first day of a NASA outreach event.
My son Benjamin saw an unmarked Police car with a portable flashing light system thrown up on the roof and said - "Dad see that car that's an undercop"
"I was shaking like a dog shitting pumpkin seeds"
"Your opinions, ideas, or perceived experiences do not change
"I want them so big I can't see the rest of her"
"That's a good gig if you can get it." Said Roland concerning Barbara who came and went as she pleased but never got flak from Norm, our boss.
Jason's favorite poem of all time
"His family still don't know I live with a black man cause
Canadian tourist in a San Francisco Speedo shop asked the black cashier
"I know what I am saying is what I mean." Kelly
The first time my son Ben saw a spotted horse he exclaimed -
"I hate orphans." Patty Currier discussing printed page layout.
"An empty barrel makes the most noise"
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." Think about it
"The richest man is the one satisfied with the least."
"Why is it I do all the sweating but you do all the glistening?"
The neighbor's car rolled down their driveway and smacked my 70-year-old grandma Whitaker's car. They begged her not to call the insurance company. They said they would pay the $50 everyone agreed would fix the car out of pocket. They never did. I asked grandma what she was going to do about it and she replied "It was worth $50 to see what kind of people they are."
"She's gonna throw some roe"
"You've got the hair of Farley"
"Daddy, Sarah kicked me in the brain."
"I'm no Tom Selleck" Jason's understatement of the year.
"I'm like your damn step pa"
After watching a two hour explicitly detailed documentary on Siamese twins my son Ben prayed "Dear God, thank you for not giving me two bodies."
"That dog won't hunt." Norm about a plan gone awry.
"Ain't no pot so crooked you can't find a lid to fit
"We just need a two way conversation to get this done, can you please pick up." Brian's last and final message after days of playing phone tag.
and these butterflies, being mammals, are especially important
This lady was trying to guess my age at the Christmas party and she stalled a little, so Kelly helped her out - "oh, I'll give you a hint, he's younger than he looks" as she finished her second glass of wine.
"How do YOU people eat this stuff" asked Kelly as she held up the cactus fruit she was buying to the Mexican woman at the Mexican grocery store in Las Vegas. We were the only whites out of 200 or so people.
"They have a lot of weird crap out here" - Ben says
about animals at Lake Powell
"I think I saw a skank" - Kelly squeals her description of the lizard she saw.
"Everyone don't feel like I do...I've noticed." - June Odom
"Kelly look at that camouflage tent" - Jason
Ben was not interested in being on this camping trip and he made sure we knew that. On our third day out camping we stopped at a new campsite. He crawled out of the van and turned to face me immediately as if to say "I just want to get back in". I said "Ben find a nice padded flat spot to put your tent up". His head swiveled around and he looked just behind him, 4 feet from the van and said, "Found it", without ever moving his feet.
"you guys are Pahrumped in" - Mark on how down we looked one day.
"you must call ahead if you require picking up larger objects than normal, like a dead horse or dog" - verbage on our new trash pickup service in Pahrump
Old guy walks in the Subway I am sitting in and says he wants a double meat footlong, then when girls asks what kind of cheese he wants he says "I can't have cheese I have heart problems, but I do want extra mayo".
"I better get more of these (she's holding an avocado) because I heard there was a big freeze in California and all the Guacomole trees are dead" - said the lady if front of Kelly at the small local hic discount grocery store.
"Oh Kelly, your Lasagna's damn good" said our friend Krishnasri who just moved here from India after sampling some of Kelly's cooking at a party.
"other people's smiley faces aren't like your smiley face" said Kelly concerning the logo art I created for Vanabode that she was trying to "borrow".